inocence, whered it go?

so its christmas eve, freaking out because santas coming, santas coming! i swear i have never seen him flip out so hard over anything! and it really truely amazes me that im not that enthusiastic about it, even after the magic of santa passed on i still got butterflies over the presents, and a couple years ago, i just stopped getting thebutterflies, i think its amazing that something once so highly regarded has been shifted around. a couple nights ago my mom brought up how i had changed my priorites with the comp from games to music, and comunication a lot these days, but still, how does that change?

and what does it mean when you stop thinking about your self, but everyone else, but not neccecarily what they want but what they need, bu then not that either, what is it called when your family expands into freinds and then you start thinking about them more than your biological family, i think technicalities are stupid, but any who, yeah thats all i got this evening im pretty sure thats makes me sound way outta character and pesimistic, but thats just whats been on my mind as i watched zach run around freaking out that we need to go to bed, which is hilarious because ussually hes so against it :) but im just glad were not arguinglike we do.

well thats all, merry christmas to you guys if i dont post agin for a while, and if i do youll get i again!

i love you all so much

~chris lee~

cars dont work with 3 weels

oh man, this weeks gonna be intense, ive fond a friend in mark, and loren, i really didnt expect that, but god has his reasons. we got to jam today, sort of, its really hard to jam with people when you dont have a feel for theyre style, you know? then its even worse when you dont have confedence in your playing abilities. i mean i know im good but mark is hella good, i think im in more awe of his writing capabilities than in his playing abliitly though, and he has an amazing voice, all these things cloud my head and i have a problem just playing, i think thats my problem, i could be wrong but it really holds me back, i hate it.

so mark and lacey have a thing for each other and ive imposed my self as the middle man, semi intentionaly. i love watching them grow while not growing at all, i know it makes no sense but im notggona rephrase because to be perfedtly honest i have no clue what im trying to say. i think in a way it makes me sick, but its not really them, its just in general the thought that they have some one they can call there own, and im stuck as just friends with everyone it seems. but thats just because ive had it pent up for a while and its been looming over my head for forever.

but any ways, to all the people who have been put on the back burner because of me, im really really sorry, i know how you feel now, sorry

so ive been listening to a bunch of random music, ive fond owl city, any one else madly in love with them, i sure am, its so chill, its like water on a summers day, it flows and refreshes with out shocking your system, it amazing.

last night i went to a christmas party at oasis, the church i go to, it was a good time, some guys in a band that go to OFC played, they were alright, they were really really small, it was hilarious, but the music was pretty good, i look foward to see their career take off.

and speaking of musical careers i recorded yesterday, it was pretty cool, it went over pretty well, email me if you wanna hear it, and erica got recording stuff, so its goin down, lovingalyssarae is going to record in the very near feautre, be excited, i sure am!

but thats all i got right now, im sure more will come i got the big things out :)

thanks for reading everyone, keep me in your prayers, what ever you pray im sure i need it, thank you so much

~chris lee~

20 minutes...

the first time i went to six flags was with the highpoint youth group, one of the best youth groups around, but any ways, it was the first time i rode a roller coaster, and we were getting hyped up, i was growing a pair and joking, and we got to throwing up because thats just one hting involved with rollercoasters. but becca, esia, erica and i established that after you throw up you have to spend 20ish minutes blowing chunks out of your nose, and40 when theres rice involved, i made becca laugh at lunch and rice came out her nose, good times.

but any wasy the moral of the story is i just got done blowing chunks, i was feeling miserable, then i prayed that god would heal me, and boy did he,lol, it felt really great, not the throwing up but the feeling better lol, so yeah

but any ways today was day one of exams, i got a 62 on the french and 100 in digital graphics and animaiton, not sure about chemistry, but im sure i did fine. tomorrows day 2 with algebra and out door ed, we get to eat cobler for the final, sweet action right? then right after that im gonna go jam with laura and lacey and possibly ely,i keep butchering his name, sorry buddy, but yeah, thats my line up for tomorrow :)

hope alls well in your lives, love you all

~chris~

words of wisdom

so its icy up here in rockwall texas today, so i get to stay home and chill all day!

so in my vast chill time, ive been doing some thinking, about music girls, guys, life, love, and everything else. i swear, every time i sit down to think, i find somehting profound to say, it may not belife changing at the moment but down the line who knows, right?

so on the note of music, lynn had proposed starting a band, this was like 2 months ago? but anyways he got me thinking about band names and what not which got me on to poetry and some other stuff, but the other night i was thinking of a cool way to open a show, and i was like it would be epic, insane even, if you started with an instrumental song, while some one just spoke over it
this was what i was thinking...

"under the wings of his safety, in the shadow of his protection... we walk as giants"

would that not be insane? im gonna finish it up later, but for now, thats the only line i got.

and then on guys, well were just stupid.

then girls, they think a lot of us,as in guys, its kinda nice but at the same time, were always watching ourselves so we dont trip up and let everything weve worked so hard crash so the ground, but it makes life interesting to say the least. but i got to talk to a girl today, never met her in my life, she just kinda went off, and told me about her boyfriend, which i have the same name as, and sometimes we dont try hard enough to hold on to what we've worked for, and just cant fess up to it, causing hurt to us and everyone around us, but what eves, thats not why i brought it up, i thought it was hilarious that she was like" its just like talking to him, you have his name and everything" then the age thing came up, good stuff.

im really random, ive been sitting here, and my minds been everywhere, that^ paragraph just shows it, in my eyes any who.

and also, alyssa rae now has blogger! now we both can vent our inner most feelings to the world wide web, just kidding sort of :)

My Heart

so , here i am, staring at an aproaching curve, and the feeling of excitment is steatling in my gut and the antisipation is driving me crazy, will the roller coaster of my life fall in a rush of speed and exciting newness, or with the excitment continue to mount? well im waiting, excited for either way because its gonna be friggin sweet either way.

i have this feeling of contentment recently, ive come to terms with being single, sort of, its strange not gonna lie, dont know what to do with myself :) but slowly im figuring it out, the band is official, we have a name, A Walk On Main Street, right now its just Laura me and Lacey, its gonna be epic, ive already started writing lyrics and laura and i wrote some music last night, so yeah, thats that.

and last night i read Van's blog, it scared me. i for got that shes leaving for the mission feild soon :( then i was thinking about a conversation we had, we dont talk much but when we do it sticks, its crazy, but it was when we were leaving, her to AIM me to Rockwall, but she was like im sorry im stealing the focus, because your leaving too, and i was like its cool, your off to greater things, and i was of the mind set that i wasnt, but last night i was like, wow, im really missing out on something when i think like that because look where im at now :) but i really miss Van she makes me laugh.

but in a couple of weeks im going down to austin!! can i get a woot woot? thats right, but yeah, im going down hopefully on the 26th, its gonna be epic, erica and i are gonna get to jam im gonna get to see the college kids again, its gonna be sweet, and then ill get to give charlie a black eye hug like i do :) i still dont know where im gonna stay sarahs opened up her couch and ericas done the same and dillon and rab, so i have some desission making to do and if worse come to worse i can probably stay with mike and jm. so ill be praying about it, a lot :)

so yeah, i htink thats the bulk of everything at the moment, if you guys, who ever decides to read this :) ever need anything emial me allot_panic@yahoo.com

a weekend packed full of everything

so this weekend i was supposed to go on the winter advance with highpoint, but in my mohters infanit wisdom, im at home. i was pretty upset but its all good, im slowly getting alife, its great. im gonna go jam with laura and lacey and hopefully eli tomorrow, its gonna be a good time, im excited, you should be too, were gonna make magic happen!

but yeah, earlier this week lacey and i went out for coffee and studied french, its was a good time, its amazing the things you learn about people, crazy crazy. and out of the blue haley and katey showed up at chruch, which was pretty great, i havent seen them in forever and a day! this was the highlight of my week more or less because i didnt really do much of anything else with anyone, ive had a really huge home life, cant wait to drive.

but tomorrow, haley wanted to go out for coffee, coffees really good i like it cause im weird, really really weird. not. but oh well, so ill hopefully be able to get out for an entire after noon wih a bunch of people, i really want out lol.

but yeah, this is more or less all i feel like typing so yeah, hope everythings going alright with everything if you need anything email me

i love life

oh geez this break was insane, amazing but insane!

sarah came up it was pretty sweet, we took lots of pictures it was a good time, we had crazy conversations, learned a lot it was a great growing experience, shes matured a lot, i feel so immature, but i generaly am sometimes, i know hard to belive but i am.

yeah, on top of all this i wrote a lot, ive had a lot on my mind so it just work out well, ive got things going down still musicly, erica and i are hitting things pretty hard with the music, its sweet be looking forward to amazingness in the near feautre, were hoping to have a couple songs by winter break, pray for us!

speaking of prayer, Shelby Forward and i started a prayer myspace, i just kinda jumpped on the band wagon but i still think its awsome, our goal is to out reach to our generation, i mean who doesnt have a myspace these days? if you dont more power to you, but i just wanna let you know that were here for you guys, check us out add us, www.myspace.com/prayerplease .

so tomorrows, monday, oh dreaded monday, im not to thrilled aobut it, but ill get over it once im there and hopefully ill be abl eto go to the winter advance, exciting much, again pray about it, i really need to see the youth group, i miss them lots.

but yeah i think thats all for now , let me know how you guys are, if you need anything email me

allot_panic@yahoo.com

much love
~chris~

well ive disocverd some words

so recently, ive been just kinda floating by in life. ive been feeling identityless its been weird, it hasnt really clicked that im no longer comitted, or maybe its clicked so hard that i relize it with such blinding vividness that im incompastitated. ive felt like im at a stand still, and generally its when i literally am, im just sitting and i get the feeling that i could be a thousand other places, but im not, it feels like i would have more of a life if i never moved, thats just the vibe ive been acrrying around with me, im not sure if its that noticible, no ones called me on it, so i think its all good.

but i think this weekend is just kinda be blah, i was supposed to jam with laura yeterday but jeremy and sarah came which was cool, but i didnt get to jam like i said, which sucked becasue they said they were getting here 2 hours latter than they did, but it was all good be cause we hadnt seen them since they moved like 2 months before we did, it was a good time

but ive been really un grateful, ironic because its the week of thanksgiving, which i find hilarious, but thats just because im in a chipper mood at the moment, ive got jesus music freinds family, the basics for a great life. but i was a the guys cell group and it was the first time id gotten out all weekend to han gout with some friends, but i was just like whats my deal? honestly ive been such a dweeb recently i cant really put my finger on it any more, but god was just like hey, take a step back, breath and look at your life, turns out i got it pretty good, ive got supportive freinds, ive got a family whos loves me, ive got god on my side, ive got music and a nice smile, what can go wrong? and a ccording to lynn, im a good looking guy , so im just waiting, and growing and loving life as of right now thats my situation

how are you guys? email me allot_panic@yahoo.com

untill then take care! love you all

ahh, what a relife

once again its the weekend, greatness! this weekends gonna be pretty great hopefully, planing on jamming with laura and lacey and eli on drums, were gonna start a band, i dont think eli and laura know it, but we are, ive been playing with the name "a walk on main street" or "a walk on 32nd" i think those would be pretty coolbut who knows right?

but i htink im coming down with a cold, it sucks, im all snuffly and what not, and my eyes are all puffy feeling and i just feel strait up sucky, i hate being sick, i feel like crap therefore life sucks because its hard to make other people smile and be merry while you feel terrible, but i work through it.

so this week ive been working on reaching out to people, just over all being freindly kinda things its been interesting, i always seem to get into the situation that i say hi and they just keep coming back and always trying to return the gesture of kindness 10times over, its crazy, i dont know how to react to that stuff, if that says anything about me, not really but hey.

but this weeks been intense, ive been growing, moving seeing things hearing thingsits been intense, i love it. un fourtunatly most of the things ive been hearing were curss words, that kinda sucked but what ever, one day ill have words to say against it.

and ive been doing a lot of reading, i finally started Wild at Heart, its pretty good so far, guys want to chase girl grils wanna be chased, pretty much the biggest thing ive gotten so far good to know right?

other than that and my cold that i told you aobut life is just peechy keen.

only twice

last night was rough, i broke up with sarah, 8 months for those of you who didnt know. it was huge and insane and were both alive and friggin peachy, its awsome! the reason we broke up was because god convicted me of bing in the relationshsip for the wrong reasons and that it was hurtting us both, and i listened, and its all good.

but this weeks gonna be intense, ive got a lot going on, church tomorrow, playing bass wednesday, hopefully gonna jam with lynn thursday, who knows about the rest lol, but its gonna happen! and hope fully ill get to jam with laura and lacey again, that was amazing last weekend, not gonna lie.

but yeah this is life for me at the moment, lots of love to you guys!

~chris~

Girls.Music.Jesus.wow.

oh man its been a long 2 weeks, lifes been pretty chill, been grounded but thats alright the biggest thing with that is no communication with sarah, but shes coming down in a coupl eof weeks, exciting much! you can teven comprehend it man. im so strange but oh well such is life.

im still picking a church, i think im leaning towards oasis, i like their youth group, and i like listening to them jam, and lynn wants me to play bass possibly for a band hes strarting up with his brother lauren, im doomed to be a bass player, nothing wrong with bass other than the fact that im a guitar player, but oh well, its all good, i think ill talk him into a 2 guitar band, i think it would be more fun and dynamic that say any who. and thinking about bands, ive got my side project Lovingalyssarae goin down, its goin the direction of poppy acousticy greatness, its gonna be great, im getting down words and ideas, they seem to be revolving around small towns and girls, both relitivly huge things in my life, and then on the side im kinda writing some worship stuff, i bust out and sing to god sometimes at night when i dont feel like playing other peoples forms of worship i make my own its great.

and im finding god in some interesting ways these days, any one know what speaking in tounges is, straight up phenominal, thats what it is, an even more direct link to talk to god, like the spiritual cell phone, its crazy!

and my musical preference is ever widening, i cant fill the void, i listen to one thing and it leads to another and i just cant stop, ive been listening to hellogoodbyes EP which is greatness you cant buy, and if you could you still couldnt it would be so friggin expensive! but on top of that ive been listening to nevershoutnever, message for the messenger, the sons of korah, words like riots, and underoath, theyre all really inspiring me musicly and lyricly, its really amazing the way that my music is developing, i hope that god wants me to keep persuing it, i mean he put the pasion for music on my heart before i knew it was his doing, i dont know which way he wants me to go with it, thats an other thing ive been writing about, a lack of knowing what to do with myself.

ive been noticing all my friends are girls, not sure if thats a good or bad thing...

so i have decided that in addition to begin a rock star/pruducer i want to be a tattoo artist, the art is friggin epic! i love it, and i wanna know what i takes to do it anyone know?

but thats all for know, love you bye

so i was thinking

so im sitting in my room just chillin, being all nostalgic and what not, i was thinking about the mission trip to colorado, and out of the blue i remember sitting at the park where we were just hangin out eating ice cream and what not, and van reaches over my shoulder to grad some thing and i kissed her arm, it was friggin hilarious, because im pretty sure that was the srangest reflex ive ever had for anything ever, then i thought of the after math of that, i told sarah and we argued about it alittle bit and then she starts walking away and i was like "VAN!" and then she was like "excuess me?" and i was pretty much screwed but we figgured it out and it was all fine and dandy.

but i just thought it was so strange that i was thinking about that, it made me smile im still smiling about it. but i just find it amazing how the memories that i htink are gonna be scaring really arent, and they make good memories to laugh at which is always good, because some times life gets just so heavy and you forget what it feels like to genuinly feel happy and know what joy is. i just love those thoguhts! i think im having one of those days where im just thinking about one person, today is van, i havent talked to her in like 2 months.

but now that i think about it, i feel like im missing out on so much at home, austin home, dallas is just a pit stop in life at least thats the way i feel it is, i have yet to find god purpose i think im coming close, and my moms been nagging me to stop trying to get back to austin, and im just like really? i go once a month and i ask just so you cant freak out on me and say i didnt ask. but i really miss everyone, and im really scared that the college kids are gonna be so different, and im gonna be so different when i go home, its just nerve racking adn on top of it all i feel like ive been pretty big jerk to sarah recently, i don know why but i just feel like i have, she says i havent but i dont know, i have to many girl friends, i make my life difficult its terrible.

yeah, also, grades are sucking also, i failed algebra 2 so for the next couple of weeks im not gonna have a life, its gonna suck i was gonna go to the maylene show with lyndsay next friday, but i cant anymore, so im gonna have alot of time to just dwell on what ever i feel like, and do home work, its gonna be strange, on the bright side, im gonna have even more time than ussual to play guitar and write, which will be good, hopefully ill get to jam with lyndsay at least, that would be fun, and ineed new tubes for my amp, i think i blew it up unfortunatly, but it happens.

but yeah, much love
~chris lee~

well here it goes

hey everyone,
hows everyone? hoping well, i just moved and i htink im finally getting comfortable, its strange, i thought i would never be able to settle in, but despite my theorys im wrong, which isnt so bad but i mean, i feel like im drifting away from everyone un fortunatly, and getting closer to the people up here, again not so bad, but i think that im most afraid that i might change so much that when i go back to visit its gonna be strange, ive already vented i just thought that you might want to know.

and an other thing thats been on my mind is where god wants me to be... apparently here, but i dont know where here, that make sense? my friend lyndsay was like hey i htink god could use you at our church, and at the same time im kinda playing bass for another church in the area, not sure how thats goin, i havent gotten a call back if that says anything, hehe, but lyndsay wants me to comit to one, i dont know which one, i mean, the church i play at, they really need to have more people to bring it together, its just the "cool" thing to do, the social place kinda thing, seriously, i walk out the door and i hear some one drop the f bomb, and im just like wow... but then again, he also brought up that i should grow, so i dont know if i should be selfish about my decision or not, i kinda want to, but also i really want to get involved with a church band like i was at highpoint, its crazy, i really dont know where god wants me, so ive been praying about it.

but see the thing with talking to god, or anyone for that matter, its a 2 way road filled with talking and listening, i really only talk, and he listens attentivly, but i just need to shut up, so i just stop praying, and that kinda drives a wedge in the relationship, but i get so frusterated when i get so lost and dont know what to do! honestly, i belive that god isnt just throwing me to wolves to see how i do, but recently i havent felt god with me, its disconcerting. i think the reason is because i became so dependent on the fellowship of the youth group at highpoint i forgot how to connect with god on my own, im really working on it, but extra prayer doesnt hurt anyone.

"here have a prayer, just take as many as you need, i promise they're all free, and all helpful, i just pray you let them into your life."

i dont know why i quoted that its just a thought i had, i have allot of those its crazy i know, but yeah

so yeah, if you guys need anything let me know, much love!

~chris~