well here it goes

hey everyone,
hows everyone? hoping well, i just moved and i htink im finally getting comfortable, its strange, i thought i would never be able to settle in, but despite my theorys im wrong, which isnt so bad but i mean, i feel like im drifting away from everyone un fortunatly, and getting closer to the people up here, again not so bad, but i think that im most afraid that i might change so much that when i go back to visit its gonna be strange, ive already vented i just thought that you might want to know.

and an other thing thats been on my mind is where god wants me to be... apparently here, but i dont know where here, that make sense? my friend lyndsay was like hey i htink god could use you at our church, and at the same time im kinda playing bass for another church in the area, not sure how thats goin, i havent gotten a call back if that says anything, hehe, but lyndsay wants me to comit to one, i dont know which one, i mean, the church i play at, they really need to have more people to bring it together, its just the "cool" thing to do, the social place kinda thing, seriously, i walk out the door and i hear some one drop the f bomb, and im just like wow... but then again, he also brought up that i should grow, so i dont know if i should be selfish about my decision or not, i kinda want to, but also i really want to get involved with a church band like i was at highpoint, its crazy, i really dont know where god wants me, so ive been praying about it.

but see the thing with talking to god, or anyone for that matter, its a 2 way road filled with talking and listening, i really only talk, and he listens attentivly, but i just need to shut up, so i just stop praying, and that kinda drives a wedge in the relationship, but i get so frusterated when i get so lost and dont know what to do! honestly, i belive that god isnt just throwing me to wolves to see how i do, but recently i havent felt god with me, its disconcerting. i think the reason is because i became so dependent on the fellowship of the youth group at highpoint i forgot how to connect with god on my own, im really working on it, but extra prayer doesnt hurt anyone.

"here have a prayer, just take as many as you need, i promise they're all free, and all helpful, i just pray you let them into your life."

i dont know why i quoted that its just a thought i had, i have allot of those its crazy i know, but yeah

so yeah, if you guys need anything let me know, much love!

~chris~