nothing.

more and more i find myself in need. well more so in want. want the vacant spaces in life to be filled, for my life to over flow in abundence. and at the same time i see all of my attempts fall short because i am nothing with out God. like literally nothing, everything that i add up to becomes 0 when you take Jesus out of the equation.

the last couple nights have been really eye opening with this to me. janna just came home from YFN and New Mexico and we were talking and she has this new energy and its amazing! shes more solid than when she left which is amazing! but she brought it up the first time "in Christ we can do all things " and i was like yeah, then later i was like... whoa, if we can do all things with him... we cant do anything with out him. so thats been really heavy on my heart and with the school year starting up soon im scared that im just gonna be pulled under, so ive been reading the word and praying for focus in my life so im where i need ot be at the end of summer.

but thats about it for now, i love you guys

chrislee

and then there was a blur

oh man, the year is coming to a close swiftly it seems and i look back and i cant remember the begining, but thats a lie, i remember it more vividly now then i did then. some things i see more brightly and somethings i see only when i want to. but i hope i never forget it, it was such a good time. its really interesting to see how ive changed, because im a stupid teenager and said i wouldnt change when i moved, that was me lying to myself, but still, its interesting to see how ive grown, and the people that ive been surrounded with have changed with me/because of me. its insane that ive know the people here for only a school year, 8-9 months maybe?, but it feels like ive know then for forever, then when i go home to austin its like i never left, i love life
but i feel weird, like im trying to write a speech or something, im not even in speech class right now ,im in digital graphics and animation, but it really is cool to see the begining and the end of a new chapter of life.

so moving on...

lasterweekend was memorial day weekend, it was a good break pregame summer pretty much, it was great! i got to chill with so many people and the familia it was cool, i dont see much of them its a good balance ive got goin for myself, i see them and my friends all at the same time if that makes sense? no not really, but i havent really had to break my weeks up in to schedual people in they just kinda come and go and i see my family when im not with them which is good because it leaves room for convorsations other than how was your day, i mean thats a prominant convoto have, its an open door.

but its what ever, i cant wait for austin again! its coming soon! not soon enough though! the first week ill be there i'll be with erica and her extended family, whitch will be fun, nothing like ahouse full of crazy people! WOO! then around the 12 ill probably switch houses, probably jamies, not sure though, maybe joeys, who knows, if you have a house with a floor or couch i can crash on lemme know and we'll work it out, dig? cool :)

OH! and ive finally got my music rollin! http://www.myspace.com/irkristophmusic its the first song of like 3 ive finished and recorded! but im thinking that im gonna take my acoustic stuff ^ to austin and play and maybe get janna on her new mandolin in on it :) but its really fun i hope you like it , its kind of rough but its alright, i like the lyrics, lemme know what you think and add me if your feelin it.

but i think that im gonna stop typing for now its been nice to just chillax with the blog for an hour or so, but tis time to move along once again!

but i love you all dearly, if you guys need anything just email me, or comment me or what ever suits you better

allot_panic@Yahoo.com

chris lee

I'd tell you to trust me...but id be lying

i think im gonna use that as lyrics soon, idk, i dont mean it like im not trust worthy i just think that if you have to be told to trust some one or somehting its kinda taking the purpose out of it, you dig? im flattered and utterly himbled if you trust me and i take it to heart and love you for it :)

so ive determined im an ultra nerd.
i have a facebook. a twitter. an email account. and a messenger. i think i have loneliness issues. maybe a little. if you wanna help add to/ sure my addiction add me, allot_panic@yahoo.com is the email for all of those, and i have yahoo messenger.

but anyway now that you all know how to contact me, to can let me know how you are doing and let me know whats up in your life since you already know whats up in mine through this

so im managing another blog on my blogger, a walk on mainstreet, yeah its my bands blog thats no officially rolling! we have a drummer, mr JOSH FEILDS! kids amazing! and ms LAURA MICHAELS, on the keys and vocals , also freaking amazing!
but weve been writing and jamming alot, weve got another practice set up tomorrow so we can finish another song or 2, laura and i have been lyric writing like beasts recently now that weve acctually got an oppourtunity to have something more than ourselves.

but this week is slightly pressured because im gone this weekend. where to one may ask? AUSTIN TEXAS! yeah buddy! im getting dressed up all sexy like in a tux and gonna go to prom with the super gorgious ERICA HIDALGO! its gonna be amazing. i love moments to make a fool of myself, and possibly everyone else in my presence :) congrats e :P

and on top of all this amazingness and exciting anticipation school is SOOO close to being done it hurts! like litterally, my heart shrinks and my stomache gets all twisted and the rest of my body's a mess when i think about it! then on top of it being so close to being done, ive got graduation to worry about and im not even graduating! just everyone else i know.... jerks. not really i love them all dearly, the ones i havent seen in forever, and the friends ove just met here in rockwall, all great people and im excited for them , and the rockwall friends are going to be austin friends soon! more places to sleep when i visit ;)

well thats whats up now IM me, email me facebook me, what eva i wanna know whats up with all of you!

much love from me to you

Chris Lee

faded images

your pictures are fading out
what was once bright and beautiful
is fading into grey

it seems you've got your life figured out... for now.

So i suppose ill be walking away
cant say i wont be back again
and i cant say i wont be waiting

take it all in
leave it where it stands
faded images of a life so grand

i need a chorus still, that last part i think is a brigde... help?

And death did us part.

Weve dug ourselves a shallow grave, now lie down, lie down
or get up it not to late.
There cries a voice, echoing loud, GET OUT GET OUT!
Your hearts still beating theres still time left
GET OUTGETOUT
its getting louder now

And we said wed never leave, never let go
lets not start now
Times not on out side, think fast, think fast

The wind is blowing, howling now, a final breath a final call
This isnt your time i hear, Get out GET OUT!
quickly now, pick up the pieces, Pick up your life GET OUT GET OUT!

There is so much more, to what we have, we are nothing with out you!
you call our name, you scream it loud let us come running, come running!
You are, the answer, the calling of our hearts.

GET OUT! GET OUT!
and come home.

Speech.

so i sit here in speech, and talk to laura, she sighs " I hope hes not mad at me" in reference to Josh saying somehting about her hanging out with a guy thats started a whole mess of drama... its rediculous! i mean really? its not really out place to say who should hang out with who regardless of circumstances or what was said, the drama that was started has nothing to do with us! boldy hell! i mean yes what was said was hurtful, but if we go off shunning every person who said something hurtful to us or some one close to us would leave us friendless. an eye for an eye leaves the world blind i think could apply here i suppose. but still retarded, thats just my veiw, its no big deal.

but man recently life is freaking sweet! i finally found a youth group thats awesome and cool, and i get along :) im stoked for summer, so bad, i was day dreaming about laying in a feild, with my eyes closed, and the summer heat laying heavy on my body, and a carefree out look on life over taking my mind, it was magical then i came back to math and that day dream was shot out of the sky like a dove during hunting season. i feel like a red neck now... this towns gettin got me!

and lyrics are coming like crazy, well crazy fragments, but im leaving now, so ill post some later,

hope lifes well,

chris leef

so jamie...

YOU ARE FREAKING AMAZING CHICK!

i hope you find my life as entertaining as i do, it keeps me occupied to say the least :) im going to start bloggin more just for yuo just thought yuo hsould know, and... yeah thats all ive got right now :)

have a great week :)

Mood Swings.

Usually when i hear the term mood swing, i think bipolar, or some ones on their period, or in extreme cases both. but as far as i can tell im not hormonal or bipolar.

i just lack direction.

but i got direction, well, sort of, i got turned around from where i was going, it wasnt a nice place not going to lie. but now ive got a general direction of, 'lets not go there' and now i just need to find a good place to start heading. so last night i was in the down swing lol, but im on the up swing so just keep me in your prayers that my directino is found :)

so now that thats out in the open. i havnt writen anything up here other than complaining cryptinc messages! so update with life!

so recently ive been going to a new youth group, the youth group at lakeshore, its a really cool place, feels like highpoint, i like it, a lot! i feel really accepted there, its a cool feeling but i mean i can see more places for God to use me, and i think im suppose d to be there to be perfectly honest. i got invited to play on the worship team but i need to pray somemore and then keep on praying.

umm, yeah thats the biggest thing right now, schools almost done! therefore mass amounts of stress for all as we try and keep our heads above water while making minimum effort, its interesting to see people freak out like they do and then just be like, whoa... cheeel home fry!, so yeah, cant wait to be done!

hopfully, im gonna be recording with ethan and getting what ever songs ive got done by then recorded all sexy like and erica and i ma begin playing coffee shops in austin and dallas! ive been introduced to a coffee shop thats got somehting of an acousticy scene going for it! im pretty stoked to go check it out and listen to so music and drink coffee with friends! i love friends, so so very much.

but i think thats about all for the moment. i have to go work at the church in the morning so i should hit the hay.

PS, something for thought... You can never love what you lust after.

Falling

Its an interesting feeling, nerve racking and thrilling, and petrefying. I hate the dreams where you wake up and your falling. i hate it even worse when you wake up and your still falling, not physicly but mentally. every things in a spinning crazy something or other. its interesting, like i said before. i sit here in jannas tv room, lost and confused about so many things it hurts. it hurts to see so many things falling around me, relationships falling into place, faces dropping in and out of life, friends as the come and go. and all of this is just like falling for me. its a rush and a jolt of fear, and i have no idea where ill land, i havent gotten close enough to the end of the ride to let you know that much, but i think soon will be that time, hard to say.

wh, what?

mmm, its flippin 830, whats the deal with that? i mean realy 2nd day of Spring break and im up at 8 oclock? oh well.

so time scares me. its so big and vAst never ending it seems.
especially foRever. its not even a comitment thing. but really indefanatly not doing Anything is a hard Habit to break. im escurred! and torn weather or not i should just drop it? lossing friends suck, just thought you should know

i love you like tomorrow.

well i thought of this phrase while i was chatting like erica, "I love you like tomorrow." and i really dont know what it means, i just know it could be cool lyrics, but i just thought id sit down and throw some ideas around with myself before i go finish up some school work for tomorrow.

so my first idea is that with tomorrow comes a fresh start, and who doesnt love a fresh start, you can compleatly wipe your slate clean and pick up where you left off, like jesus did for us, cool right?

then the thought of tomorrow and all the surpirses it brings for us, the ones that just make or break your day, theyre so great, even the ones that just drag you to your knees because then my first theory comes back and bam the next day were new.

but thats really all ive got, whats your opinion? and i think this is going into a song soon, be looking out for it :)

and i love you all, like i love fresh starts and fresh laundry, all smelly good and what not

ROAR!

i feel like hell got bottled up in a jar and cant get out! its miserable! i hate being so patient i hate leaving things behind, i hate looking forward to a feautre thats so vast and over whelming! my mind is such a jumbled mess, so im taking the advice i gave to janna and im writing it down.

in no particular order...girls, music, god, words, school.

Girls. why must you be so confused? and why be on such a different level. and why am i so awkward? and why dont you take me seriously? i mean really? please anyone let me know!

music. ive been listening to really grr music today, i think its part of the cause for my foul mood, which sucks because i like the music but i hate the mood.

god. i can feel a huge gap in the way of him and i, all the crap that ive been putting forward in my life is starting to over come my thoughts and i cant see through my own mess. ive been wanting to smoke i think thats one of the biggest issues ive been dealing with, one of the biggest barriers ive set up for myself. i could blame a whole bunch of things for that right now, but ill take the blame and say im the cause for surrounding myself with people who do stuff like that. i need better friends, thanks to jannad lacey pate and everyone who doesnt smoke.

words. today i was in a caustic mood, i had this under laying im pissed off thing going on today and i was cutting people deep, on purpose just because i could, which is never a valid reason to do anything especially to hurt people, it was just one of those days it would have been wiser to just not talk the whole day, so i appologize to all those involed.

school. last but not least, its become so blah and crappy and full of sin that i feel unclean walking out of there at the end of the day, i need a break, woot woot for spring break! and summers only a few months away! so my break, my rest will come soon. and hope fully i can go on mission trip with hpy, im praying for all of this stuff to get lifted off my chest so please can you help with that stuff?

i love you guys dearly hope to hear from you soon, facebook email, however

~chris lee~

well there went the voice of reason...

i open with a sigh. a sigh of exasperation and slightly hopeless. but not really. just recently the life i know had been changing like crazy and my none moved self is stuck in the whirlwind its become. and im finding as i look back on these blogs that im petrified at that fact. its kinda sucky :( thats really all that can be said about it really, its sucky. but i know everything just seems huge in my head, well at least jumbo sized in my head, its big but not as big as i make it out to be,mostly because i have no say in the way its changing.

and ive also found a change in plans seems to be inorder... or is atleast in the process of being in order. im gonna leave you hanging on that note for a while and let you know once something more final comes to pass, im not sure that it will but if it does ill post it right away. and if you really wanna know let me know and ask nicely and ill get you in on the situation.

Cameras

so i just finished watching a nooma film, one of rob bells videos where he puts life a christ together, but it just got me in to a kind of deep thinking mood and i havent had anyone to talk deep philisophical stuff recently, but as it ended, and he turned to walk away, it looked like it switched cameras, and i was like, no camera will EVER get that exact same footage, no camera will see it like it was originally intended to be seen. then i was like...whoa, this is life, we will never get to change things, the curcumstances will never change, we will always have a past, but no one will ever see it like we do. some may see it as idiotic, some may say that we were immature and unprepared, and i might even agree at some point, but i will be the only one who can acctually know the whole thing, every detail, every snotty shirt, every laugh in the kitchen, ever serious look ive gotten or given. i think that we should make the best of ourselves and make some thing worth remembering

RAGH@!

oh man, i hate when im tired. so much, i cant think straight and in one way or another i end up hurting some one some how, never fails. i hate when i think that the world that i live in is crashing down around me when im jsut a mess. i hate when i think everyone else has no say in anything. i hate it so much when i am just so hellbent on being right i go out of my way to make a fool of my stupid self. i hate when i get into other peoples buissiness when i have no room to talk because i have no say in anything.

this is pretty sad i think.

love chris lee

Oddly at peace.

hello loves, how is every one? as you can tell by the title, im oddly at peace.

its quite nice acctually, recently ive had a gnawing feeling in my gut when ever i would think about sarah, so i talked to her about it, we both agreed that it is hard, which was nice, that i wasnt the only one feeling that way. i think that was the biggest source of my fears, or feelings i think is a better word, but ever since then ive been really chill about it. and i also have decided that im supposed to step out of the dating scene for a while, ive decided this with god, and i think thats been a nice relife that jesus is behind me, and im working on my relationship with him so when the time comes i can have him in what ever relationships come my way, im excited, and relived.

so ive been writing like a mad man, its been really really cool sounding to im really proud of myself, because ive come a long way :) heres one of the songs im almost finished( i called it finished mu then i decided it was to short.)

I'd walk to the end of the world and jump right off that cliff for you.
id walk a thousand miles just to see you one more time before i go away.

chorus
and i know weve been through so much i cant say
that ill ever be the same, not after you
but these feelings might never change
even after we go our seperate ways

i think about you everynight while im dreaming
and every word you spoke to me, they echo so freely in my mind

chorus

thats one. then shortly after that one i started thinking about the feautre and i think im gonna have a girl baby, i know thats kinda weird, but i think i am ill let you know when it happens lol. but any who i wrote this song while i was thinking about it

when you wake in the night with a tear in your eye, ill be right there to wipe away your fears
o littl eone ave no fear

the sons on the horizon, just keep your eyes shut ill be here till the new light comes

oh little one have no fear ill still be here after all these years

i know it doesnt seem like much but it is lol

well, i suppose thats all ive got for now iludjew guys a lot, hope everythings goin alright in your life, lemme about it

chrislee

Something about girls and the Ocean

theres something of the call of the ocean, and the call of a girl
the crashing of waves, the sound of her laugh,
i just cant get it out.

theres nothing like smell of the salt air and the smell of her hair
the way it lingers, the way it tastes
where did it go?

they fell out from under me, swallowed me alive
no chance for swimming, no chance for good byes
they left me breathless.


yeah that was a poem i just wrote, called something about girls and the ocean, i was thinking it would be cool for a song but this came out instead, i think this is the start of something but who knows.

so im home now, at my home away from home;) it was a good time, and i might be going back soon, hope so, it'll be a ball.

but thats all im alive and relitivly well, umm im tired so im gonna sleep, i love you all dearly

austin

so since my last post which was christmas eve i belive, i had chirstmas which was cool, i got to chill with the family watch horton hears a who a thousand and one times, not really i think i only watched it once through the whole way, but what ever. but then i bought myself a christmas present... oh yeah i came to austin, merry christmas to all involved :)

yeah so ive been in austin for the last week and ahalf or so, its ben pretty awsome, ive gotten to see all the college kids who came home, vanessa kay, and erica and i almost got lovingalyssarae off the ground but she had no motivation, so next time after weve had some time to start writing more it'll go, but for now we are still seperate entities,which is cool because were still both developing musicly.

and i got to chill with message for the messenger, after like 3 or 4 trys lol. i got to hear theyre new material its gonna be awsome, be looking foward to it its gonna be epic, but yeah it was a good time, theyre an awsome bunch.

and ive been sleeping on sarahs couch its been pretty sweet, ive slept on ericas couch and at dillons its been a good week. and im not gonna lie i miss my family just a little bit, and i miss my new freinds too just a little but i think that its been a good break form both, now i just have to get back in the swing of things when i get there lol

but thats about all

i love you all very much

chris lee